Moving on

This is how I want to remember the garden

Well it is nearly time for me to leave Hedgelands. In another week and a half I’ll be living in a modern development which I hope will give me some time to consider my future without the distraction of the heavy workload, not to mention financial cost, of remaining at Hedgelands. Sadly, it means leaving the very positive aspects of living here behind as well. However, I can still get myself into the countryside fairly quickly here in Devon and a much easier to manage house will give me more time to spend walking in beautiful places without the nagging guilt of the neverending list of things to do that living at Hedgelands entails.

I’ll leave the blog open. I do have the written versions of many of Steve’s poems. After I have had time to settle I’ll review them again to see if any have been left off this blog.

How am I feeling? Ready to move on in many ways. My life will be easier financially and physically. I’ll be closer to friends (just round the corner in fact) and I’ll be able to walk to work which will be good for me. But . . . I still feel sad about leaving even though I know it is for my own good.

In the year since Steve’s death I have gone through a rollercoaster of emotions which looks set to continue for some time to come. I have however made my peace and some progress in getting myself ready to re-write my future. It won’t be a straight line to the new path or paths I may find myself treading. I try not to let fear be my guiding emotion for too many minutes of the days. I met up with Steve because I was a curious and gently adventurous person and I owe it to myself and to Steve to make something positive during the rest of my life. To do otherwise would be to waste this incredible life changing and enhancing accident. I hope that others who have lost their partners will draw some strength from the few initimations of my experiences of losing my best friend, lover, husband. It can be a very lonely process and I’ve drawn strength from reading how other people have coped and not coped with the new life they never really wanted to experience.

Wishing you all the very best
Michele
aka Mrs cynicalsteve